Work and life balance during a pandemic
The recent shutdowns imposed by many governments around the world to slow the spreading of covid-19 has redifined the notion of work and life balance. At least for those lucky enough to have jobs that can be performed from a computer on the kitchen table. And before I elaborate on that, my heart goes out to all the brave workers who still have to go out and put themselves and their family at higher risk of contagion, particularly health workers, people in social care, supermarket and shop staff, bin collectors etc. This pandemic has redefined many things, including the notion of what heroes do for a living.
Finding balance
Getting back to the theme of this blog, I am in that lucky group of people who have not lost their job or been furloughed and still are paid a full salary because their job can be done remotely. Some of us though have had to face new challenges and had to find a new work-life balance. While before those with children had to "worry" only about the holidays to cover child care, now with school and nursery closed, child care during working hours is the new reality. How many of us recently have had work meetings with little children climbing on top of our heads and demanding a cuddle? Even people with older children are busier than ever making snacks and lunch and dinners (because let's face it, these children are always hungry!!!!) while trying to work on a report or finish a remote meeting. And how many have tried to function normally and carry on business-as-usual? Well, let me dispell that idea: this is not business-as-usual, far far from it. This is a whole new territory in which people working from home are also asked to become teachers, cooks, entertainers, fitness maniacs, all of it avoiding to become addicted to dangerous substances. I always advise against multi-tasking and now more than ever, even if we are forced into it. In a world in which going shopping has become a proper ordeal instead of a normal chore, it is of paramount importance to save energy. Have you found yourself more tired than you normally would be if you were still going to the office? This is because routine tasks have now become more demanding. Worrying constantly of whether you have touched your face while outside or before washing your hands, feeling guilty if you pass other people on the sidewalk and you accidentally sneeze. These things are exhausting. We are not meant to be so controlled, so measured (two meters away from one another), so cautious. This is why we have to accept that we cannot be as productive as before.
Keeping your identity
This article by Aisha S. Ahmad has been very illuminating for me. From her experience drawn from having lived through hardship, wars and confinement she invites people to accept that this experience will change us forever. It is fine to miss deadlines and to postpone deliverables, it is fine not to be able to have a normal schedule and not to have the energy to do a yogha class or practice Japanese during our lunch break. The most important thing in all this is to remain sane. For some of us this may mean to get plenty of sleep and not worry to wake up for normal office hours (that would be me, I am not very good at getting up early); for others it means to wake up at the usual hour, shower, dress up and have a good breakfast. I tend to work in pijamas these days and while this might be a big no-no for some, for me it's perfectly fine and I do not feel like I am letting myself go. I just feel that I am still myself, except that I cannot go to the office to work and I have to stay home. The important thing is not to loose one's own identity in a crisis and being able to recognize yourself. Yes, we had to modify our behaviour with social distancing and all that, but we are still the same people we were before the pandemic. We adhere to new social rules because we recognize it is important and it protects us and others. I still hope to go back to a more relaxed way of interacting with people in the not-so-distant future bur for now, this is what we need to do.
Looking at the positive little things
I always tell my colleagues of this little anecdote from my PhD years in Colorado. I had the luck to share an office with a brilliant fellow student, now Professor at the University of Wisconsin. As some of you know, productivity during a PhD is not constant. Some days (and nights) you are very productive, other times you stare at your computer with vacant eyes for several hours and not one single good idea crosses your mind. This happened to me and my office-mate many times over, but he had a very good way to deal with it. Instead of focusing on what he had not accomplished, he concentrated on the small accomplishments of the working day. I remember one time I saw him get up to go home, stretch and say to me: "Ahhhh, today I wrote a very good email!". At the time it made me laugh, but now I completely understand how deep and intelligent his approach was. I think it's very useful at these challenging times. Instead of focusing on what you cannot achieve or cannot do, focus on the little things that you do achieve both for work and for your family or yourself. If you manage to write a very good email, celebrate your success. If you manage to cook a very good omelette, do the same.
Exercising compassion
One last thing that is important not to forget it to exercise a lot of compassion for oneself and others. It saddened me when I heard the story of a nurse being abused for being outside of her home by people on balconies. She had a very good reason to be out and about, and deserved all the respect and praise. Luckily these incidents have been far and few in between.
I also do not agree with people criticizing others for trespassing the lockdown rules. I understand that if we all went out and disregarded the rules we would put others and ourselves at higher risk, but at the same time we do not know what the situation people live at home and why they need to get out. Imagine if someone is living with an abuser and needs to just get away, even if for a few hours. Or what about people needing to go out because they suffer from claustrophobia. Some people's circumstances are easier than others. If you live in a 5-bedroom in the British countryside, it's a lot easier to bear a lockdown than if you live in a 50 square meter flat in the outskirts of a city. We need to exercise a lot of compassion to others as we do not know their stories.
And the same goes towards ourselves. If we cannot manage to loose the extra weight that we have been carrying since Christmas, it's ok. Perhaps this is not the time to make harsh commitments and to be really hard on ourselves. The time will come in which we can go back to all our New Year's resolutions. Now it's time to hang in there until everything will be alright.
Finding balance
Getting back to the theme of this blog, I am in that lucky group of people who have not lost their job or been furloughed and still are paid a full salary because their job can be done remotely. Some of us though have had to face new challenges and had to find a new work-life balance. While before those with children had to "worry" only about the holidays to cover child care, now with school and nursery closed, child care during working hours is the new reality. How many of us recently have had work meetings with little children climbing on top of our heads and demanding a cuddle? Even people with older children are busier than ever making snacks and lunch and dinners (because let's face it, these children are always hungry!!!!) while trying to work on a report or finish a remote meeting. And how many have tried to function normally and carry on business-as-usual? Well, let me dispell that idea: this is not business-as-usual, far far from it. This is a whole new territory in which people working from home are also asked to become teachers, cooks, entertainers, fitness maniacs, all of it avoiding to become addicted to dangerous substances. I always advise against multi-tasking and now more than ever, even if we are forced into it. In a world in which going shopping has become a proper ordeal instead of a normal chore, it is of paramount importance to save energy. Have you found yourself more tired than you normally would be if you were still going to the office? This is because routine tasks have now become more demanding. Worrying constantly of whether you have touched your face while outside or before washing your hands, feeling guilty if you pass other people on the sidewalk and you accidentally sneeze. These things are exhausting. We are not meant to be so controlled, so measured (two meters away from one another), so cautious. This is why we have to accept that we cannot be as productive as before.
Keeping your identity
This article by Aisha S. Ahmad has been very illuminating for me. From her experience drawn from having lived through hardship, wars and confinement she invites people to accept that this experience will change us forever. It is fine to miss deadlines and to postpone deliverables, it is fine not to be able to have a normal schedule and not to have the energy to do a yogha class or practice Japanese during our lunch break. The most important thing in all this is to remain sane. For some of us this may mean to get plenty of sleep and not worry to wake up for normal office hours (that would be me, I am not very good at getting up early); for others it means to wake up at the usual hour, shower, dress up and have a good breakfast. I tend to work in pijamas these days and while this might be a big no-no for some, for me it's perfectly fine and I do not feel like I am letting myself go. I just feel that I am still myself, except that I cannot go to the office to work and I have to stay home. The important thing is not to loose one's own identity in a crisis and being able to recognize yourself. Yes, we had to modify our behaviour with social distancing and all that, but we are still the same people we were before the pandemic. We adhere to new social rules because we recognize it is important and it protects us and others. I still hope to go back to a more relaxed way of interacting with people in the not-so-distant future bur for now, this is what we need to do.
Looking at the positive little things
I always tell my colleagues of this little anecdote from my PhD years in Colorado. I had the luck to share an office with a brilliant fellow student, now Professor at the University of Wisconsin. As some of you know, productivity during a PhD is not constant. Some days (and nights) you are very productive, other times you stare at your computer with vacant eyes for several hours and not one single good idea crosses your mind. This happened to me and my office-mate many times over, but he had a very good way to deal with it. Instead of focusing on what he had not accomplished, he concentrated on the small accomplishments of the working day. I remember one time I saw him get up to go home, stretch and say to me: "Ahhhh, today I wrote a very good email!". At the time it made me laugh, but now I completely understand how deep and intelligent his approach was. I think it's very useful at these challenging times. Instead of focusing on what you cannot achieve or cannot do, focus on the little things that you do achieve both for work and for your family or yourself. If you manage to write a very good email, celebrate your success. If you manage to cook a very good omelette, do the same.
Exercising compassion
One last thing that is important not to forget it to exercise a lot of compassion for oneself and others. It saddened me when I heard the story of a nurse being abused for being outside of her home by people on balconies. She had a very good reason to be out and about, and deserved all the respect and praise. Luckily these incidents have been far and few in between.
I also do not agree with people criticizing others for trespassing the lockdown rules. I understand that if we all went out and disregarded the rules we would put others and ourselves at higher risk, but at the same time we do not know what the situation people live at home and why they need to get out. Imagine if someone is living with an abuser and needs to just get away, even if for a few hours. Or what about people needing to go out because they suffer from claustrophobia. Some people's circumstances are easier than others. If you live in a 5-bedroom in the British countryside, it's a lot easier to bear a lockdown than if you live in a 50 square meter flat in the outskirts of a city. We need to exercise a lot of compassion to others as we do not know their stories.
And the same goes towards ourselves. If we cannot manage to loose the extra weight that we have been carrying since Christmas, it's ok. Perhaps this is not the time to make harsh commitments and to be really hard on ourselves. The time will come in which we can go back to all our New Year's resolutions. Now it's time to hang in there until everything will be alright.
Beautifully said... I love and agree with so many points you make here.
ReplyDeleteThe uncertainty many of us are feeling, especially since receiving conflicting messages post lockdown ease and the lack of control we have in this situation are causing confusion and feelings of anxiety, even in those who have managed to reframe their negative thoughts during lockdown.
I train individuals and groups how to combat their anxiety, and two of the common causes of anxiety are lack of autonomy and uncertainty, so it's not surprising many are struggling with anxiety!
As you rightly say, what we need is to be able to appreciate different perspectives so we don't harshly judge others, and to practice compassion towards self and others at these difficult and uncertain times. I'm a war child, and my mantra during this period has been "this too shall pass".
If I'm being honest, I too have found it rather difficult to keep positive in the last 3 weeks, whereas I was quite optimistic to begin with; And I'm increasingly finding this to be the case with friends and clients alike.
Again what you suggest, celebrating small wins and giving ourselves permission not to always be on top form m, and generally being kinder to ourselves and others will help us in the short term.
Sometimes, it's OK not to be OK. Just make sure we reach out to our trusted network for help and support and to share "our stories" before the situation gets put of control
Thanks for your comment, very deep and beautiful. A year on, and we are still year, struggling to find a balance and comes to term with what has happened. But, yes, let's keep going a bit longer, we are almost at the end of the tunnel!
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