Notes on motherhood (part 1)
I was not planning to write a blog entry on this topic right now but I
found myself sharing my motherhood experiences with female colleagues
and friends and it motivated me to write about it.
From these conversations, I realised that my pregnant colleagues are mostly worried about two things: labour (how long and painful it’s going to be) and balancing work/career aspirations with raising children (also known as work and life balance).
I usually do not give advice because I think it’s down to individual experiences and personal decisions. However I am always happy to share my experience as a working mother, in the hope that this can support other women on their journey.
Myths about childbirth
There are a lot of myths around the pain of labour (yes, I am sure Jeremy Corbyn can relate to that ;) ). Some are simply not true, others have an explanation. Is giving birth really painful? Should be considered as a medical emergency (in normal circumstances)? I can happily answer no to both questions. Giving birth is not more painful than sciatica or a back contraction with the added bonus that in one case the pain is senseless and has no higher meaning whereas at the end of the other, there’s a wonderful baby to hold and a potent rush of post-natal hormones to look forward to.
Why then most of the childbirth stories are terrifying? In the past, giving birth was one of the main causes of premature death among women. Malnutrition, diseases and poor hygiene were big contributors to increased risks for puerperas. With the advent of modern medicine and the medicalisation of the birth process in the 1700s, particularly in Europe and North America, what was
customarily a domestic event, attended by female friends, relatives and local women experienced in delivering children became a matter for (mostly male) doctors. By the 70s, in the US, only 1% of birth happened at home. Recent statistics by the World Health Organization show that 99% of maternal deaths occur in developing countries with maternal mortality being higher in women leaving in poor rural areas. On the positive side, between 1990 and 2015 maternal mortality dropped by about 44% worldwide.
However, even if giving birth poses less risks now than it used to, and in some countries the entire birth process is completely monitored and "controlled", there are still many “horror stories” related to childbirth. I think this depends on two facts: some women do experience traumatic births and the more intense the experience the bigger is the need to tell it. There is also a dramatisation in movies and tv series with a lot of screaming and cursing which helps supporting the idea that childbirth has to be incredibly painful. In recent years there has been a movement promoting natural births. This type of births are often offered in birthing centres or at home, not hospitals, and tend to promote a birthing process with as little as possible (or no) medical intervention. The pregnant woman is also invited to have what is called a birth-plan in which she expresses her wishes regarding the management of the labour and delivery. For example, she can express the wish to have a water-birth, or what type of pain relief methods she would like to have (epidural, gas and air, nothing at all...). Having a birth-plan is helpful even when things do not go according to plan. There is a degree of control that women have even while in labour, as long as they remember to breathe.
Breath, breath, breath.....push!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have two children and two very different but equally intense and amazing birth experiences. My daughter, the first born, was overdue by 10 days. I was getting really tired. A friend who had her daughter a year before called me on the phone to get some news. Before hanging up, after a long chat, she said:" Have fun". I didn't think that was going to be possible. When I went to the hospital to get checked, I was dilated enough to be admitted but labour was progressing really slowly. After a few hours at the hospital, the midwife suggested for my waters to be broken to accelerate the process. I agreed (and regretted afterwards). It was clear that my baby was not ready yet. What I wasn't told was that after the waters are broken, one has to have the baby within 48 hours to minimize the risk of infections. Since my labour was not progressing fast enough, I was sent from the floor of Natural Births with lovely flowers and daisies on the walls to the floor of Medical Birth with white sterile walls and tubes and operating rooms. Having had a very good pregnancy, I had hoped for a natural birth with no medical intervention and all of the sudden I had found myself with a needle in my arm about to be induced. This is when you are attached to a drip containing oxytocin which is the hormone which triggers labour. Incidentally, this hormone is naturally produced when women gather together. My husband and I were alone in the room, with little chance for naturally-induced oxytocin. At one point the doctor had peeped in to let me know that most inductions end with a medical intervention. I was not a happy camper at that point, particularly because the induction works immediately and one goes from zero contractions and zero pain to contractions every 5 minutes and a lot of pain. At this point, it's important to remember what learned in prenatal yoga: Never Hold Your Breath. The pain in the contractions is like a sinusoidal wave, it comes, has a peak and then goes away. It comes back at regular intervals which become more and more frequent as labour progresses. It's important to breath during the contraction and to know that the pain will subside after a few seconds. If you hold your breath the time interval will seem longer and the pain will seem to last forever. So breathing is the first thing that one has to learn to manage the pain of labour. I was also very lucky to have a birth partner in addition to my husband, my acupuncturist, a wonderful woman with a calm smile and serene attitude. It made a big difference. I did not believe at first and thought that it really does not matter that there are women with you at the time of giving birth, but now I am completely convinced that it's female energy that women need that that moment. After a few hours of coping with the pain, when I was really tired and ready to give up, my lovely daughther's head appeared. At that point I got a final rush of energy and I felt an instinctive strong need to push. It was amazing. Few minutes later she was born, and I was happily eating pizza (yes. you feel really hungry after labour) while breastfeeding her. For my son, the experience was even more surreal as he was born in water and I did not experience much pain. He just came out and started swimming underneath me with eyes open as if he had come from outer space. What a feeling! Never I felt quite as empowered as after the births of my two children. I guess I was lucky, and so I hope that my friends will have similar experiences as mine when going thtough labour and will enjoy every minute of it.
From these conversations, I realised that my pregnant colleagues are mostly worried about two things: labour (how long and painful it’s going to be) and balancing work/career aspirations with raising children (also known as work and life balance).
I usually do not give advice because I think it’s down to individual experiences and personal decisions. However I am always happy to share my experience as a working mother, in the hope that this can support other women on their journey.
Myths about childbirth
There are a lot of myths around the pain of labour (yes, I am sure Jeremy Corbyn can relate to that ;) ). Some are simply not true, others have an explanation. Is giving birth really painful? Should be considered as a medical emergency (in normal circumstances)? I can happily answer no to both questions. Giving birth is not more painful than sciatica or a back contraction with the added bonus that in one case the pain is senseless and has no higher meaning whereas at the end of the other, there’s a wonderful baby to hold and a potent rush of post-natal hormones to look forward to.
Why then most of the childbirth stories are terrifying? In the past, giving birth was one of the main causes of premature death among women. Malnutrition, diseases and poor hygiene were big contributors to increased risks for puerperas. With the advent of modern medicine and the medicalisation of the birth process in the 1700s, particularly in Europe and North America, what was
customarily a domestic event, attended by female friends, relatives and local women experienced in delivering children became a matter for (mostly male) doctors. By the 70s, in the US, only 1% of birth happened at home. Recent statistics by the World Health Organization show that 99% of maternal deaths occur in developing countries with maternal mortality being higher in women leaving in poor rural areas. On the positive side, between 1990 and 2015 maternal mortality dropped by about 44% worldwide.
However, even if giving birth poses less risks now than it used to, and in some countries the entire birth process is completely monitored and "controlled", there are still many “horror stories” related to childbirth. I think this depends on two facts: some women do experience traumatic births and the more intense the experience the bigger is the need to tell it. There is also a dramatisation in movies and tv series with a lot of screaming and cursing which helps supporting the idea that childbirth has to be incredibly painful. In recent years there has been a movement promoting natural births. This type of births are often offered in birthing centres or at home, not hospitals, and tend to promote a birthing process with as little as possible (or no) medical intervention. The pregnant woman is also invited to have what is called a birth-plan in which she expresses her wishes regarding the management of the labour and delivery. For example, she can express the wish to have a water-birth, or what type of pain relief methods she would like to have (epidural, gas and air, nothing at all...). Having a birth-plan is helpful even when things do not go according to plan. There is a degree of control that women have even while in labour, as long as they remember to breathe.
Breath, breath, breath.....push!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have two children and two very different but equally intense and amazing birth experiences. My daughter, the first born, was overdue by 10 days. I was getting really tired. A friend who had her daughter a year before called me on the phone to get some news. Before hanging up, after a long chat, she said:" Have fun". I didn't think that was going to be possible. When I went to the hospital to get checked, I was dilated enough to be admitted but labour was progressing really slowly. After a few hours at the hospital, the midwife suggested for my waters to be broken to accelerate the process. I agreed (and regretted afterwards). It was clear that my baby was not ready yet. What I wasn't told was that after the waters are broken, one has to have the baby within 48 hours to minimize the risk of infections. Since my labour was not progressing fast enough, I was sent from the floor of Natural Births with lovely flowers and daisies on the walls to the floor of Medical Birth with white sterile walls and tubes and operating rooms. Having had a very good pregnancy, I had hoped for a natural birth with no medical intervention and all of the sudden I had found myself with a needle in my arm about to be induced. This is when you are attached to a drip containing oxytocin which is the hormone which triggers labour. Incidentally, this hormone is naturally produced when women gather together. My husband and I were alone in the room, with little chance for naturally-induced oxytocin. At one point the doctor had peeped in to let me know that most inductions end with a medical intervention. I was not a happy camper at that point, particularly because the induction works immediately and one goes from zero contractions and zero pain to contractions every 5 minutes and a lot of pain. At this point, it's important to remember what learned in prenatal yoga: Never Hold Your Breath. The pain in the contractions is like a sinusoidal wave, it comes, has a peak and then goes away. It comes back at regular intervals which become more and more frequent as labour progresses. It's important to breath during the contraction and to know that the pain will subside after a few seconds. If you hold your breath the time interval will seem longer and the pain will seem to last forever. So breathing is the first thing that one has to learn to manage the pain of labour. I was also very lucky to have a birth partner in addition to my husband, my acupuncturist, a wonderful woman with a calm smile and serene attitude. It made a big difference. I did not believe at first and thought that it really does not matter that there are women with you at the time of giving birth, but now I am completely convinced that it's female energy that women need that that moment. After a few hours of coping with the pain, when I was really tired and ready to give up, my lovely daughther's head appeared. At that point I got a final rush of energy and I felt an instinctive strong need to push. It was amazing. Few minutes later she was born, and I was happily eating pizza (yes. you feel really hungry after labour) while breastfeeding her. For my son, the experience was even more surreal as he was born in water and I did not experience much pain. He just came out and started swimming underneath me with eyes open as if he had come from outer space. What a feeling! Never I felt quite as empowered as after the births of my two children. I guess I was lucky, and so I hope that my friends will have similar experiences as mine when going thtough labour and will enjoy every minute of it.
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